NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

EMPTYNESTROGEN - Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ..Can we get naked now?.

BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTITALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

submitted by Ormond Brian, July 18, 2005

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Women speak an average of 7,000 words a day.

Men speak an average of 2,000 words a day.

from Jay Leno's Tonight Show, June 12, 2000

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?JUSTICE?  -  INFAMOUS DEFENSES

Black Rage    -    Twinkies    -    Internet Intoxication

Wrestling Addiction      -    Iced Tea

submitted by Ormond Brian, April 30, 2000

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TEACHERS MAKE TOO MUCH $!

I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work!  What we need here is a little perspective.  If I had my way we'd pay teachers baby-sitting wages.  That's right...instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour.  And, I'm only paying them for live hours, not planning time.  That would be $15.00 a day.  Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to "baby sit" their children.  Now, how many children do they teach a day maybe twenty?

That's $15.00 X 20 = $300.00 a day.

But remember, they work 180 days a year!  I'm not going to pay them for all the vacations and "work" days.

$300.00 X 180 = $54,000.

(Just a minute, my calculator must need batteries.)

What will teachers say about those who have ten years of experience and a master's degree?   Well, maybe just to be fair they could get the minimum wage.  We can round that off to about $6.00 an hour, times 5 hours, times twenty children.

$6.00 X 5 X 20.  That's $600.00 a day times 180 days.

Wait a minute...there is something wrong here...That's $108,000!

Let's put it in the proper perspective!!!!  Hope this was a paradigm shift for you.  We are in critical times.  After the "boomers" retire, there is NOTHING behind them.

Think about it.

submitted by Dee Chalfant, May 13, 2000

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